I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
