ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
