I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
