Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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