Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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