Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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