how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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