woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
