You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
