I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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