fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
