Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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