I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There r osticjed everywhere
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
