bring money and cleavage
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize