smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
