By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
