they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I will be naked everywhere
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
