That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
