woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
