She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
