Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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