marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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