And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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