There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
