After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
