Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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