my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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