exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
