Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
