The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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