i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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