Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
