Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
