erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
