You made me cry and you don't even care
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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