Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
