Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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