: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
