someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
be right there i have to get my cape
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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