who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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