as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
