he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize