and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize