Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
