Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
