I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
