Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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