living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
