I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
