I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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