Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
