hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
