I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
