If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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