I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize