She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
