What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
