also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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