I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize