I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
