Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
