i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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