She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
