people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize