All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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