he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
