Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
