wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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