She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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