would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
