I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
