There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
