Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize