Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize