new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
