and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
