I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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