U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i believe in u and ur pee
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
