My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I fill condoms, not promises.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
