Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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