Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
