It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
