I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
