Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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