I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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