i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i barfeds in our rink
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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