i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize