too bad you live with your parents still
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
