maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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