It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
