Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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