I wish I could punch you in the face.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
