i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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