What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
