dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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