well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
