i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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