I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
