Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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