New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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