So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
