is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize