I'm pants shitting drunk right now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
